Kidnapping for Dummies on Bizarro World.
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I'm at a loss as to why more directors aren't beating down Andy Serkis' door for their film projects. Most people are familiar with the British actor that made cinematic history by bringing the digital character Sméagol (Gollum for pessimists) to life in Peter Jackson's "The Lord of the Rings" trilogy. Serkis didn't just lend his vocal talents for the role, but also bodily motions and facial expressions through state-of-the-art technology. The unprecedented portrayal earned numerous nominations and awards including a #10 spot on Premiere Magazine's 100 Greatest Movie Characters of All Time, an amazing feat for a relatively unknown character actor. At least writer-director Paul Andrew Williams saw the light when he dusted off the former hobbit and brought him aboard for his dark comedy, "The Cottage."
The film opens with slapstick "Beetlejuice"-style music as two men pull into the drive of an English countryside cottage in the middle of the night. From the way the men keep looking over their shoulders and scope out the place, it becomes clear that they are definitely up to something. What, exactly, is unknown, until they decide to make some tea and head back to the car to get some milk. Lying next to the dairy product is an unconscious blonde woman tied up in the trunk.
One of the two men is David (Andy Serkis), a tough, no-nonsense thug with a shady past that is only alluded to in the film. David longs for severing all ties to his underworld lifestyle, and has his heart set on the purchase of a boat to sail around the world. Unfortunately for David, he doesn't have the funds to fulfill his dream, so he devises a kidnapping ploy to net a quick £100,000 in ransom booty. A scheme that may have been solid on paper, but in application ends up having more holes than a convention of body piercing enthusiasts.
David's first mistake was luring his brother, Peter (Reece Shearsmith), into his criminal endeavor. While David tries to be cool, calm, and collected, Peter is the complete opposite. He's a worrywart that spooks easily, and when his nerves are jittery, he tends to be clumsy. Shearsmith is terrific at balancing innocence with incompetence, and his bumbling fool of a character clashes with David's straight-shooter persona creating tension as well as comic relief.
The choice for the hostage was David's second calculated error. Tracey (Jennifer Ellison) is the daughter of Arnie, a notorious London gangster. Arnie has the dough for the ransom, but being a mob boss with a couple of cleaver-wielding Asian hit men on the payroll, he's not the type of guy you really want to cross. Furthermore, when Tracey comes to, she becomes a handful herself. The spoiled brat takes every opportunity she can to insult the two amateur kidnappers using more f-sharps and c-flats than Chef Gordon Ramsay of "Hell's Kitchen," and literally manhandles Peter with both hands tied behind her back. Ellison creates a vile character that viewers will love to hate, and as the film moves on you start to feel sorry for the kidnappers and lose all respect for the kidnappee.
David continues on his winning streak when he arranges for Andrew (Steve O'Donnell), Arnie's son and Tracey's stepbrother, to deliver the loot. Andrew is even more of a moron than Peter, and his idiocy adds fuel to the long list of unfortunate events as the film progresses. I don't want to spoil it by touching on every little thing that goes wrong, as each additional fly in the ointment tests David's sanity and is part of the humor. Let's just say that the whole thing plays out like a how-to manual of what not to do for potential would-be kidnappers, or to put it another way, "Kidnapping for Dummies on Bizarro World."
At the midway point of the movie, the film takes a sudden left turn into a completely different genre, which makes choosing the harmless looking cottage to lay low for a while David's biggest mistake of all. The plot evolves into a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time when a psychotic disfigured farmer shows up with an axe to grind. It's cleverly done that in one way it's sort of a spoof on slasher movies, but ends up being a pretty graphic gore fest on its own full of suspense and surprises.
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[release]23695[/release]