Indianer Jonas and the Quantas of Solisti

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Theeeeey're back! That's right, special-effects guru Harry Rayhausen returns to the genre he made famous, along with Harry's son, Ford, heading up an all-star cast in the 2008 action-adventure tragicomedy romantic romp "Indianer Jonas and the Quantas of Solisti," presented here for the first time in Paramour Pictures' celebrated next-gen format, Beyond Stereo Digital Visual Disc, or BS DVD.

Helmed by the virtuoso duo of producer Collie Cauliflower, director Sherwood Forster, film editor Matt Cheese, composers Willy and Cher, best boy Georgina Lukas, and general handyman Stephanie Spiegelberg, this thirty-fifth installment in the series goes where no Indie picture has gone before; namely, to the big screen instead of straight to video.

There was some concern among viewers before the movie opened that perhaps Harry's son, Ford, was too old at a hundred and nine to continue playing the role of the hard-hitting adventurer and professional manicurist Indianer Jonas. But I'm happy to report that the actor is as fit as ever, clocking speeds in excess of 200 mph in his motorized Aston-Martin wheelchair. There was never any doubt, however, about the always capable Shawn Connery, who plays Indie's son in the new movie. Connery still looks like he could go toe-to-toe with the women's featherweight contender, especially now that he's had lasers permanently installed under his flowing silver hairpiece. However, because his Scottish brogue has become more pronounced as the years have worn on and his speech has become almost indecipherable, the studio hired renowned impressionist Tim Raynor to dub Connery's voice. Informed sources tell us the studio initially wanted John Vernon for the job, but Vernon is said to have told them, "I'm sorry; I don't do impressions." Vernon's death in 2005 might also have proved an obstacle, although we learned from unconfirmed contacts that if push came to shove, Raynor was also more than willing to dub Vernon dubbing Connery. Leaving only someone to dub Raynor.

Anyway, the plot begins a couple of days before the last installment started. You'll remember that Indie had just shot the villainous blond Nazi thug, Yasser Datsmababy (Jenny Craig), near the shores of Lake Como. If he had shot him nearer the heart, he might have ended the saga then and there. But he didn't, so the story goes on.

Needless to say, Datsmababy is a member of the ruthless band of evil international geniuses known as the Sinister Society of Singular Select Solisti, or Sssss. This group meet twice a month on an Australian Quantas jetliner to formulate their world-conquering plans. Thus, the movie's title. And they're so evil, they think nothing of stealing Barbie dolls from little girls and burning them for pleasure. Will fans object? Not if they get to watch the villains throw another Barbie on the fire.

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